i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
