u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Houston, we have a squirter
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
