I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
