I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
