Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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