something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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