Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
