Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
