Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
