it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
