bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
