Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
