it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
