no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
