So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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