So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your penis caused this!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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