Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize