So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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