handjob tips. give me some.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
