I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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