Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
