i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
