I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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