I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
