my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
