Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
