would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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