so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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