you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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