We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
