just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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