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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
