life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
