you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
