i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
