oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
