is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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