a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
