i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
