Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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