I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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