dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
