I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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