so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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