Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
