On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize