ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was born a porn star she said
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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