I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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