I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
