There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
