her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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