i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
