are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize