Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
