wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize