cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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