we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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