I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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