I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Randomize
