you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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