actually, I'm a sock model
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Vodka?
Forever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
