im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize