Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
