he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
