You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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