but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
