Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
