Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
